sick of being this way. you never realized how obsessed i was with you. still am. it never changed, but you never knew the depth. just because i'm quiet doesnt mean anyless, it ment more. to concerned to make a mistake in your presence, confused with emotions that wouldn't stop falling from the sky. couldn't consider what it was we each wanted. just pressing with all hope, then collapsing for nothing. long hours spent, thinking of only you. mental beatings gave all thoughts the innocence of virtue. now in the dark, i will confess, i wanted more
then just friend, i wanted you
to touch you thoughts and not pull away, to know what brings you darkness in the light of day, the ability to see that changing smile, and maybe then in selfishness, conceal it with gentle lips.
How many times the night seems far to long. when waking up, become to alone. is it wrong to love, was it really sin.
These types of matters are just soemthing i dont comprehend
then it beomes like a maze with no finish, chasing about an insane dlint. could this ever work, well i can handle what its at, friends, sure thats alright, but its ther in my head 24-7 wondering maybe you will actualy give me a chance. But you already denied me it so i wont psh for it a second time. So you could be giving it and i just dont notice, just make it more aware. with all these thoughts, the wondering is almost worst then the wanted. its becoming habbit to want something that can't be gotten.
one time a friend told that maybe i wasnt in love with you but in love with the concept of being in love with you. Then i yelled at her and denied it, it wasnt true. and it still isnt, however, i think its becoming second nature to elieve that no matterwhat i try i can't have you.
oh well, things wont change, i'll always want to be there for you, and will be so uunless you stop it yourself.
writing pointless journals, signing off